The Bittersweet Irony

I love my jobs … I am an assistant to an Insurance Agent who specializes in Long Term Care Planning. I love what I do and I am learning so much. My boss has provided me with amazing flexibility and a wonderful opportunity to grow. I love being a mom, my daughter is such an amazing little person and I feel very privileged to be raising such a tenacious, strong-willed, and intelligent little woman. She has made my life so much more meaningful and fulfilling.

So where in lies my dilemma? I feel as if I am being pulled in two different directions and either way it will break my heart. I know that if I committed to longer hours, I could grow tremendously in this industry and become successful but … I am having a hard time being away from my daughter for even the two short days that I work. I don’t want to drop her off at her Preshool and leave her there and when I do it makes me want to quit my job. But then there are nights like last night where I got dressed up, went out for a nice dinner, and learned even more about the business, had a wonderful time and I loved it! Everyone tells you that you can have it both ways, but I wonder can you really? Ultimately will I be forced to sacrifice something?
In this case, I know in my heart of hearts that I would never do anything that would sacrifice my daughter’s happiness. So I will instead, swallow my guilt, hold onto my belief that “it takes a village,” and remember that I am my daughter’s role model. Will I choose to model an attitude of guilt and defeat or will I instead teach her that Life is about balance? Just because I work part time doesn’t mean I love her less, I can let go and realize that a healthy, happy mommy is the best mommy. I have to change the prevailing attitude of “good dad’s work,” and “good mom’s stay home,” by being that change.
Oh and PS … I think I’m going to have to order Madi this cool t-shirt 🙂

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