The most unexpected thing that I have experienced in becoming a mother has had nothing to do with my daughter; instead, it has everything to do with other mom’s.
I had no expectation whatsoever of other mom’s beforehand, in fact they really didn’t factor into my ideas of my impending motherhood at all. Towards the end of my pregnancy though I decided that I should try to find a mom’s group to join for two reasons: a. for friendship with other women who were also moms and b. for something to occupy my newly open schedule, as I’d always been working and/or going to school before pregnancy so the thought of hours at home with no “duties” or “assignments” seemed rather bleak.
Oh if I’d only known the disaster that was ahead of me … Instead of finding support, understanding, and friendship I ended up with cattiness, judgment, and enemies. Oh, lordy! I was too open, shared too much, and was too nice so basically I was trampled on and left for “dead.” Is it really any wonder that some mom’s high tail it back to work as soon as possible? It was like high school all over again, complete with the entire unspoken BS, underlying expectations and of course the “in crowd.” I was part of the “in crowd” and then for reasons I still am unsure of, I was “out.”
I could go on but why? There is no purpose in glorifying the drama. All I want to say is that this is RIDICULOUS!! We are supposed to be the example for our children of how to be respectful of others, to embrace difference, to treat others with kindness, and to be proponents of peace – how is that possible if we can’t even operate this way with our own peers?
Motherhood should not be treated like a competition, rather as a journey. Imagine we all traveled on the highway the way many moms’ go about motherhood – there would be an overwhelming number of tragedies and deaths!! Instead we should go about motherhood as we do a highway drive, with respect for the other “drivers,” with the knowledge that our choices have consequences. We cannot drive without regard for the law, if we do so we jeopardize the wellbeing of ourselves and of others. In the same way, being a “mean mom” not only harms others it will harm yourself as well. You hurt other people and isolate yourself. Negative energy breeds negative energy and no one likes a Negative Know it All Nelly.
I am a firm believer that “it takes a village” to raise a child so lets do this together and stop trying so hard to prove that we are perfect, that we have it all together, that we are better …
“The way of peace is the way of love. Love is the greatest power on earth. It conquers all things.” – Peace Pilgrim
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” – Mother Teresa